Skyrim Food: Apple Dumplings

Alright gamer stoners, this one is for you.  The boys finally got me to play Skyrim, and I'm pretty hooked.  We came to the conclusion that someone should figure out how to make some of the food from the game, so we of course will be going through a few things but here's the first!

Apple Dumplings

While these certainly look tasty, they look much less like a Cheezit and more like a dessert in real life.

  All of those pastries in Skyrim?  Don't lie, you've sat there and thought to yourself "Damn, I want to eat that."  Well now you can.

And here's the real deal!  The sides could be closed more, but not a bad imitation.

Prep Time: 20-25 minutes
Cook Time: 12-15 minutes

Ingredients:

3 large apples
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1 1/2 Tbsp cinnamon
1/4 Tsp nutmeg
Chopped walnuts, about 1/2 cup
1 box frozen filo dough
Butter, melted
Honey

Supplies:

2 basting brushes
Clean, dry surface
Cookie sheet
Bowl
Measuring cups and spoons

Dirrections

Do your preheat the oven bullshit, if you must.  350° F.  Rack in the center to low.  Or you could be a rebel and wait until those suckers are ready to go in.  Whatever.

Peel your apples and cut them into half inch chunks and throw them in a mixing bowl.  Toss in your sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg, stirring well until ingredients are combined evenly.  At this point in the process you should probably give your apples a taste to make sure they taste just how you want them.  Feel free to adjust your sugar and spices as you see fit.

Defrost your filo dough and unroll it on a clean, dry surface.  Take your melted butter and a basting brush and lightly coat a cookie sheet, then set it aside.  On some wax paper, lay out one layer of filo dough, then lightly brush over it with your butter.  It shouldn't be sopping wet, but you want it to be coated enough to stick to the next piece.  Carefully add the next layer and then again brush on a butter coating.  You'll need about ten layers for an apple dumpling, but don't butter the tenth layer!

With a sharp knife, section your filo dough into six squares.  Be gentle because it can be tricky to cut the dough without tearing it and making a huge mess.

Take your second basting brush and evenly coat the top of each square with honey.  Sprinkle a few of your walnuts in the center of a square, then drop a spoonful or two of apples on top.  You want enough on there for a good tasting dumpling, but not so many that you can't get the top to close.  When it's all loaded up, fold in the corners of the square and pinch them together.  Add a bit more honey and butter to the seams if you're having trouble getting them to stick.  For an extra touch, sprinkle a few more walnuts on top.

Repeat the filling process for the rest of your squares, then assemble a second ten layers of filo dough and repeat the process for the remaining apples.  Or just eat the remaining apples.  That's what we did!

Place your squares a few inches apart on a cookie sheet and bake at 350º F for 12-15 minutes or until dough starts to brown.

Serve with vanilla ice cream, a drizzle of honey, and a sprinkle of sugar on top!

Ghost says: Don't worry if they come apart a little in the oven, they're still just as good!
The guys say:  The great thing about these is that they can be made with so much butter!  Consider using a butter substitute too!

Doughnut Breakfast Sandwiches

Zippy was supposed to write this one up, but getting him and Skul to write their blog articles is like trying to perform dental surgery from inside the mouth of an unanesthetized killer whale, so here we are!  It's been a while since we've posted anything - busy times inventing food (and eating it of course!)  This is something Zippy came up with one night around two in the morning when we all decided we were starving and couldn't decide what we wanted at the most glorious institution that is the all night grocery store in the next town over.

Doughnut Breakfast Sandwiches
Prep Time: 5-10 minutes
Cook Time: 10-20 minutes (depending on your multitask cooking skills and how many of these you're actually making)

Ingredients:
(This will make one sandwich, but this is definitely something you need to share if you make it, so make two or three!)
-Plain iced doughnut of the not cake variety.  I'd imagine you could also use a cruller.
-1 large egg
-3 strips of bacon
-cheese, at least two slices; we actually buy bricks of cheese and grate it up - these were great with sharp cheddar
-Maple syrup to top (optional)

 Directions

Set out everything you're going to need ahead of time, as this one comes together pretty quickly.  First, take your doughnut and cut it in half so that you have something like a bun (see the picture!)

In a medium frying pan, cook your egg.  We had these done over easy, but if you prefer scrambled or sunny side up then you go for it pal.  I could launch into a long discussion here regarding egg flipping methods, but who knows how long I could go on about that?  My tried and true method involves letting it cook for a while on one side then picking up the pan and doing a sort of wiggle slide move with the spatula under most of the white, then flipping that sucker without even a prayer.  Maybe I'll put up a video, I don't know.  Hell, even HRH Gordon Ramsay doesn't have any tips for perfectly flipping an egg.  It just can't be done.  Unless you have one of those special tiny pans that's just egg sized and often has an amusing characterized egg face chicken foot creature on it that harkens back to that egg with the feet that was on the Garfield cartoon.  Look, see now, you made me rant.

Your egg is probably cooked by now, so toss that sucker on a plate and drop your bacon in the pan.  Fry it over medium heat to your desired crispiness, or lack thereof.   It wouldn't be The Stoner Food Blog without gratuitous bacon imagery around mid-post... so here you are loves:

Believe it or not, I didn't have any extra bacon porn... so here, have a cat?  Not really the same.  Plus, he wants to eat you and your bacon.

Now that we've had a brief hiatus for bacon porn that turned out to actually be a slightly annoyed cat, we can get back to cooking.  When you're finished frying up your bacon, leave a little of the grease in the pan and grab your doughnut halves.  You want to fry them up on the non-frosted side until they're toasty, between golden and just the slightest bit burnt.

Remove your doughnuts from the pan when they're done and assemble your sandwich with the fried parts of the doughnuts facing out so that you don't get sticky trying to eat your epic sandwich of doom and heart failure.  No one wants to get sticky.  Ours went together like so: doughnut, bacon, egg, cheese, maple syrup, doughnut.  But feel free to be a rebel and skip the syrup, or put the cheese on the bottom, or what have you. I'm pretty sure mine had hot sauce on it too, but everything I consume has hot sauce.  It's your sandwich damn it, be creative!

Now go eat that shit. 

Disclaimer:  The Stoner Food Blog is not responsible for the heart attack you have after you eat this.